Ginger
by avidfan23
Summary: What was Grace's trauma that Jane analyzed oh-so-well a long time ago?
1. Chapter 1

**Author's note: This is my first fiction that is from Grace's point of view... hope it is alright. Please let me know!**

**Disclaimer: not mine**

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She had always been a quiet girl… top of her class, graduated with honours, lead singer in her children's choir. The lovely red hair that flowed down her back was so striking that Grace Van Pelt had always been the object of every boys' attention. Her life had always gone just as she had planned until that fateful day when she was 18 years old. That day changed her and she had never spoken of it to anybody and she rarely thought about it herself for fear of the memories that would come flooding back in.

After that incident she had to leave her hometown of Iowa and go as far away as she could possibly go. She moved across the country and started a new life for herself in California as a police officer and she never looked back. She just couldn't. Instead, she kept her head down and worked hard until one day all of her dedication paid off and she was offered a new job with the California Bureau of Investigation which was a very prestigious promotion.

She was assigned to Senior Agent Teresa Lisbon's team upon arrival and immediately set to work. She got along well with her colleagues and even managed to strike up a friendship with Agent Rigsby; it was obvious to her that he liked her but she didn't want to compromise her career by breaking the rules and dating within the bureau. After a year, however, she was feeling more comfortable in her role and allowed Rigsby to enter her home and her heart. She hadn't been in a relationship since she left Iowa (if that could even be considered a relationship!) and the very thought of having to share and communicate with this man terrified her. He wanted to be let in on her secrets and to allow her to share her emotions and thoughts with him and although this was very sweet of him, she wasn't sure that she was able or ready to do this. There were so many things that she didn't even share with herself.

She began to feel comfortable in his presence though and this surprised her a great deal. They had shared so much together and she had been more intimate and vulnerable with him that she ever had by her own choosing. Everything was going really well in Van Pelt's life, for once, until Agent Hightower came along and sent her castle of sand crashing down by issuing an ultimatum: job or relationship.

It was this dilemma that had Van Pelt sitting on her couch nursing a glass of wine while she pondered how she should respond to Hightower's ultimatum. She remembered all too well what had happened the last time she had been with a guy; it had been that relationship that had pushed her to get away and to put all that she had into her job. That was the problem. Her job had been a healthy escape from all the pain she had to endure after the incident and she just didn't think that she could give that up. She needed the constant distraction. Although Rigsby was always nice and gentle towards her, she just could not risk going through another incident like the last one. She wasn't strong enough for that.

Van Pelt had been so thankful that Lisbon had chosen to overlook their relationship because she didn't think that she would be able to choose between her job and the man she loved. Now that she was faced with the choice, however, the outcomes seemed to become abundantly clear.

The ringing of her cell phone drew her out of her thoughts. She picked it up and turned it around so that she could see who was calling. Rigsby's name flashed on the screen and she quickly hit the decline button and threw it across the room. She did not want to let Rigsby influence her decision because it certainly was _her _job on the line. That thought made her angry. She immediately felt guilty about turning Rigsby down but she knew what she had to do.

She stood up and grabbed her coat before she headed to her car to go in to work. As she pulled into the parking lot she took a couple of breaths in order to steady her racing heart. Their latest case had given her the inspiration that she needed in order to do what was required of her. She knew who she was and she intended to tell Rigsby that. He had been really sweet lately, offering to give up his job and transfer to another unit because he loved her and wanted to be with her. Van Pelt knew that Rigsby would grow to resent her, just like Martin had done. It hurt to think of Martin and so she pushed those thoughts to the back of her mind and focused on the task at hand; a task that would certainly prove to be difficult.

Grace could barely reign in her emotions enough to tell Rigsby what she had decided for them. She had placed a chair strategically between them and avoided looking at him the whole time. In the end she ran off in tears with only Lisbon to comfort her. She felt so badly for ending it with Rigsby but she knew that he would just grow to resent her with time. She most definitely did not want to find herself in the same situation as she had with Martin.

And so she found herself lying in bed in the middle of the day with the covers over her head and tears rolling down her cheeks. She knew she had made the right choice given the circumstances, but her heart had broken anyways. It didn't help that all the thoughts and memories of Martin were forcing their way back in, no matter how hard she tried to fight them. Eventually Grace just gave up fighting and let the painful memories course through her body, twisting her heart and her stomach as they did.

**Next up: A look into Grace's memories of Martin...**

**TBC  
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	2. Chapter 2

**Author's note: Thank you to everyone who reviewed so far! I really appreciate it :) This is a flashback just to let you know... but you would have got that anyways, I'm sure. **

**Disclaimer: still not mine. **

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_It was raining hard as Grace Van Pelt came home from her last day of high school. She was very excited to be finished and even more excited about being asked to the prom by the cutest boy in the school. She was eager to share this news with her mother and father. Grace opened the door and kicked off her shoes, leaving her backpack on the floor beside them as she rushed off to find her mom and tell her the good news. _

"_Mom?" she called up the stairs before she ran all over the house looking for her._

"_In the basement!" came the swift reply from the floor below. Grace quickly skipped down the stairs and ran over to her mom, spinning circles on the concrete floor in excitement as she went. Her mother was in the process of ironing clothing with the T.V. on and she looked up as Grace came flying in._

"_What's got you so excited?" her mom asked. Grace tried to wipe the excitement off her face as she replied, failing to hide a mischievous grin. _

"_Oh, nothing," she started as her mom gave her a look that clearly indicated that she did not believe her daughter. She ran over and tackled Grace into a hug. Grace shrieked and struggled to free herself, giggling the whole time._

"_Ok. Ok. I surrender!" she waved her arms helplessly as her mom let her go. "Tommy Nelson asked me to the prom and he is only the most popular and cutest guy at school…" she smiled brightly as she turned to face her mother._

"_Oh really? Congratulations! Have you talked to Martin about this?" her mother asked. Grace's smile faded as she thought about Martin. She hadn't talked to him, but she didn't really see why she had to. She hadn't dated him in a year- ever since he had been admitted to __**that**__ hospital. He clearly couldn't take her to the prom but Tommy definitely could. _

"_No. Not yet." Grace replied sheepishly. "Do I really have to?"_

"_I think that you should," her mom answered. "He was really good to you and he still cares for you. You owe him this courtesy." Grace groaned internally. In order to tell Martin, she would have to go see him and that place scared her. There were always screams and people crying and most people talked to themselves there. She knew in her heart that he wasn't like them, but still he'd had an episode and ended up there. _

"_Yes. I suppose." Grace murmured in response. She was beginning to feel less excited about the prom since she knew that Martin would be upset about it. She thought of Tommy and his smiling face but even that image seemed to fade as she faced the prospect of seeing Martin again. She really wanted to go to the prom and she really wanted to go with Tommy. Martin shouldn't care either, after all she wasn't his girlfriend anymore… right?__  
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**TBC**


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note: I'm so sorry that I haven't been able to update sooner (or respond to reviews)! Internet has been very touch and go where I am right now and hopefully it becomes more stable so that I can update more consistently. Thank you to everyone who has reviewed so far!**

**Disclaimer: Not mine. **

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Wayne Rigsby had always been overly predictable and never terribly astute but Grace found herself loving him anyways. Ever since Patrick Jane pointed out Rigsby's attraction for her at the restaurant during the fake Red John case, Grace could not help but think that maybe Rigsby could be the man to win her affections. She didn't love easily and certainly never would give of herself until she was absolutely certain that she was doing the right thing.

She realized just how much she cared for him after her supposed 'boyfriend', Dan Hollenbeck, had beat him and hand cuffed him to a bathroom stall. As soon as she could, Grace ran to find him and the lingering hug that she and he shared was the most human physical contact that she'd had in years… since Martin in fact.

Grace rolled over in her bed and wiped her teary eyes on her crumpled sheets. She had not wanted to end it with Rigsby but her self preservation instincts had kicked in. She just didn't want to get hurt anymore but right now she couldn't imagine anything hurting her more than the absence of Rigsby's arms around her as she cried. She wanted him to be lying next to her, pulling her close and thumbing her tears away as he whispered sweet nothings in her ear. With that thought she dissolved into a fresh wave of tears, only stopping momentarily when her telephone rang.

"Agent Grace Van Pelt." She answered bluntly, reminding herself of the time that she and Rigsby had finally made it into bed together before getting called in for a case.

"Good morning Van Pelt," the voice on the other line came in softly. Grace looked at her watch before grimacing. Was it morning already? That meant that she had been wallowing in self-pity for almost a full day. Rats. She snapped back to attention as the voice continued, "You were so upset when you left yesterday afternoon so I thought that I should call you and see if you were alright. Also, we have a case and Hightower needs you to be here because she says that if you can't work with Rigsby then one of you will have to transfer anyways."

Van Pelt shook her head to clear away the clouds and realized that it was her boss calling her. Lisbon had been so uncomfortable when she was caught in the elevator with Grace after she had ended Rigsby and her relationship. Grace was well aware that Lisbon didn't do the whole 'feelings' thing so she really appreciated any attempt to comfort her that her boss made.

"Sure boss," she said trying to conceal a small sniffle. "I'll be in very soon." The connection closed and Grace climbed out of bed and stumbled aimlessly to the shower, quickly ridding herself of her clothes and letting the cold water run over her. She could do this; she was not the type of girl who let a man become the focus of her emotions. She was the Queen of suppressing whatever was wrong with her; that is what she had to do in order to get to work on this case. She turned off her shower and wrapped her big, warm towel around herself before making her way back to her bedroom. She picked out her work clothes without much thought and quickly threw them on as she made her way downstairs to grab some breakfast.

She remembered the way that Rigsby always used to cook her breakfast. He would wander around her kitchen looking for things, all the while snacking as he worked. She smiled slightly at the memory but when she realized that that would never happen again she fought the urge to cry. As she sat eating her cereal she couldn't help when her thoughts wandered briefly back to Martin and she wondered if she should have told Rigsby about her past while she could have. Then again, what was done was done… and she was ashamed of how she had acted and reacted all those years ago. Grace truly believed that she did not deserve to find happiness because of what she had done and how many people she had hurt. That was one of the other reasons that she could not stay with Rigsby if she wanted to.

**TBC**


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note: Once again, sorry for the delay in updating... also a big thanks to everyone who has reviewed so far! Please feel free to tell me what you think- good and bad.**

**Disclaimer: only in my dreams.**

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_Pulling in all her breath, Grace mentally prepared herself to see Martin again after all these months. She wasn't sure what to expect- would he be thinner? Would he remember her? She didn't know if she wanted him to, somehow she thought that this might be easier if he didn't know who she was any longer. _

_Gingerly, she climbed the stairs leading up to the 'hospital'. She knew that that word wasn't entirely fitting- not too many people who went there came out and those who did were very different than they were before. Although it was a warm day Grace found herself shivering as she approached the door. She pulled her sweater tighter around her as she opened the door and stepped into the main lobby. Her mother had offered to go with her, but Grace had refused, still angry at her mom for making her do this. Now she wished that her mom was here to hold her hand and do all the talking for her. _

"_Can I help you?" The lady at the reception desk asked gently. Grace looked up from her reveries to find a kindly old lady looking down at her. _

"_Umm…" Grace started nervously, "Yes. I'm looking for Martin Marleau's room, please."_

_The older lady looked surprised momentarily before regaining her composure and checking the register. "Of course… he doesn't get too many visitors so this will make his day." Grace cringed at the thought that he spent so much of his time alone. She felt uncomfortable with the knowledge that the only thing that could come out of her visit to him is him getting hurt. She definitely didn't want that to happen but Martin couldn't possibly give her what she needed. _

"_Right this way," the receptionist spoke again, leading Grace down a darkened corridor with countless evenly spaced white doors. Martin's room turned out to be at the very end of the hall, in the darkest area where the light didn't seem to reach. Grace shivered once again just as the receptionist knocked lightly on the door before inserting a key into the lock. This was worse than Grace had been expecting; she never thought that Martin would be in a locked room. _

_As the door swung open, Grace caught a glimpse of the room before she entered. It was small and bare with only a bed, a dresser, and a window. On the bed sat the boy that Grace used to know, only now his face was sullen and his eyes sunken and dark. He sat with his back up against the wall and his knees drawn up to his chest as he rocked back and forth, his throat emitting a low humming noise. Martin looked up as the door opened and Grace caught a hint of a smile cross his features as she entered the room. That meant that he remembered who she was- rats. _

"_Hi Martin," she started. "It's me, Grace, do you remember?"_

"_Hi Grace. Of course I remember! Who could ever forget you?" Grace blushed a deep shade of red at that comment before turning to perch on the corner of his dresser. When she lifted her head once again, she noticed that Martin was still gazing intently at her. That made her a little bit uncomfortable._

"_So how have you been?" She asked nervously. _

_Martin shrugged his shoulders and gestured around the room in response. "Ok, I guess. I don't get many visitors and the nurses aren't always very nice. I can't wait to go home."_

"_Of course. That's understandable. You are looking well." She smiled at him shyly before continuing, "When do you think that you will be coming home?"_

_He looked down at his hands before answering. "I'm not sure. That's up to my doctors and parents and neither set seem really keen on my leaving any time soon."_

_Grace shifted in her seat uncomfortably. This was not going the way she wanted it to at all. She rested her back against the wall behind her before clearing her throat. "Ummm…. Martin, I have a question for you… and you are not going to like it…"_

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**TBC**

**I thought I'd tide you with a brief flashback... this will relate to Rigsby very soon, I promise.  
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	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note: Once again I am REALLY sorry for the huge delay in updating. It will become more consistent, I promise. Also, a HUGE thank-you to everyone who has reviewed so far- they are a big incentive to update faster. **

**Disclaimer: I can dream, right?**

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Grace drew in a deep breath and pulled her blazer tighter around her as she slowly walked up to the CBI headquarters. She was a little bit nervous to see her co-workers because she hadn't seen any of them since she had ended it with Rigsby- they probably all knew about the break up by now. Grace wondered how Rigsby had reacted and if he had been able to continue working while she hadn't. She walked into the break room only to find Patrick Jane in there as well as the rest of the team. She felt their stares as she tried to hide her puffy, red eyes. Great. This was not the entrance she wanted to make.

"Hi." She said quietly, waving slightly with her fingers before brushing past them and towards her desk. Rigsby looked up from his yoghurt cup at her as she passed by, a gesture that did not go unnoticed by Jane.

Grace sat down and immediately logged herself into her computer; she knew that it would be difficult to work with Rigsby right now, especially after their last conversation, but she did not expect the physical effects that her emotions would currently be having on her body. She felt very hot and dizzy all of a sudden and wasn't quite sure why but she was very glad for her desk chair so that she could try and steady herself without the others noticing that there was anything different. She just had to make it through the day and then she could go home and escape from everything.

"Ah. Van Pelt. You're here." Madeleine Hightower said matter-of-factly as she strolled into the bullpen, closely followed by a rather annoyed looking Lisbon.

"I told you that she would be here boss," Lisbon interjected but faltered under the look that she received from her superior. She quickly turned and headed back to her office, muttering under her breath about being able to control her own team.

"So I hear that you ended it with Agent Rigsby?" Hightower questioned. Van Pelt blanched slightly and clutched her desk to keep from visibly swaying as Hightower continued her line of questioning. "Are you prepared to work with him given that the two of you have been engaged in a romantic relationship that has just ended? Surely you still have feelings for each other?"

"No ma'am." Van Pelt responded quickly through clenched teeth. "My personal life will not affect my job if that is what you are asking."

"Good. I would like you and him to work together on the next stake-out for this case. I will go let Lisbon know." Hightower squeezed Grace's shoulder gently as she brushed past and headed for Lisbon's office. Grace could barely control the look of disgust that crossed her face as she made to rub the place where Hightower had touched her. That woman had nerve.

Their case had taken an unexpected turn and they found themselves no closer to catching the killer than when Van Pelt had been called in to work. She was still feeling really sick and dizzy and the constant stream of thoughts and emotions that coursed through her mind were certainly not helping. Hightower, being true to her word sent Van Pelt out with Rigsby to question suspects. Lisbon shot Van Pelt an apologetic look before promptly berating her boss for giving her team instructions.

Rigsby seemed to be fairing well… ok, maybe not well, but certainly better than Grace herself. Jane had wasted no time pointing out the fact that his health and physical well being had improved since the break up. Grace had to unfortunately agree with him too, Rigsby was looking particularly toned these days and that was certainly not helping her beat her attraction to him. To be completely honest with herself, she wasn't entirely sure she made the right decision but every time the self-doubt seeped in she reminded herself of Martin and her motivations for doing what she did. She did not want to go back to that dark place from years ago.

She climbed into Rigsby's car as they prepared to head out to canvas the neighbourhood where the crime took place. The drive was incredibly silent and uncomfortable. Van Pelt mentally cursed Hightower for making her do this so soon after the break up. She reached over to turn on the radio, not being able to take the quiet any longer and as she did so the feeling of illness returned full force. She clutched at her abdomen as Rigsby turned to look at her with a concerned expression on his face.

"Pull over!" She ordered and he immediately obeyed, quickly veering off to the shoulder of the road. She clambered out of the vehicle just in time.

Ten minutes later, Van Pelt found herself leaning up against the car, trying fruitlessly to steady herself. Rigsby was noticeably uncomfortable with the entire predicament. He wanted to comfort her but had no idea what to do. He just stood near the driver's side door, looking the opposite direction and typing text messages into his cell phone.

Slowly Grace climbed back into the car and buckled her seat belt. Rigsby slid into the driver's seat and followed suit before turning to her.

"Did you want me to take you home?" he asked gently. Van Pelt shook her head no. "I don't think that you should be out in the field right now and I spoke to Lisbon and she agrees. I think I should take you home."

"No." Grace said emphatically. "Just take me back to work then." She didn't think that she could handle going back to her empty house right now and she definitely didn't think that she would be able to stop him from coming in to take care of her. No, the office definitely seemed like the safest place right now.

Rigsby kept casting sidelong glances in her direction the whole drive back to headquarters. He was clearly concerned about her; she shifted uncomfortably in her seat. She didn't want or need his concern but she knew that he knew that she did not get sick often and when she did it was something of a big deal.

Grace quickly settled herself in at her desk upon return and tried to avoid all forms of eye contact. Twenty minutes later Hightower came in with a stack of files for Van Pelt to deal with while the rest of the team headed out to try and apprehend the latest suspect. As soon as Hightower turned to walk away, Grace lay her head down on the desk to try to stop the world from spinning as she felt her eyelids grow heavy and eventually close.

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**TBC**

**Next up: a bigger glimpse into Martin and Grace's relationship and the tragic events that changed the course of young Grace's life.  
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	6. Chapter 6

_Time seemed to move in slow motion after Grace told Martin about Tommy asking her to the prom. She waited with baited breath for him to say something, anything to her about how he was feeling. She shifted uncomfortably in her seat as she waited for him to react. _

_Tic. _

_Toc. _

_Tic. _

_Toc._

_The second hand of the clock crept around slowly and Grace looked up at Martin expectantly. Nothing. He had no expression on his face whatsoever. She wasn't quite sure how she was expecting him to react but this certainly wasn't it. She had thought that he might be angry or disappointed or indifferent at the very least but this lack of reaction was very unexpected and it put her on edge. _

_After fifteen minutes of waiting Grace cleared her throat and got to her feet. "I'm sorry Martin, but I felt that you deserved to know. I can't wait forever; I have to move on. You must understand that." She looked at him one last time but he turned away quickly, unable to hide the hurt in his eyes. _

"_Martin, I am really sorry," she whispered, laying a hand on his shoulder and leaning over to plant a light kiss on his cheek before she turned and left his room. _

_She hurried down the dark corridor and muttered a quick goodbye to the receptionist as she headed outside into the bright sunlight. She climbed into her car and sat in silence for a minute as her eyes welled with tears. She blinked repeatedly, trying to clear her eyes. This did not go the way she had hoped and she could only pray that Martin would be alright. She just would not be able to stand it if he did something stupid. _

_She turned the key in the ignition and backed the car out of her parking spot as she headed for home. Grace wasn't sure how to interpret what had just happened but was interested to find out what her mother thought. She didn't care that she had been angry with her mom earlier, she respected and valued her opinions and counted on her to help her sort out this growing mess. That's what moms were for. _

_She pulled into her driveway and put the car into park before climbing out and heading up the walkway to her house. She opened the door and threw her purse in the corner and started to walk in the direction of the kitchen. _

_Grace's mom was dancing in time to the song playing on the radio as she peeled potatoes over the sink. She didn't look up as Grace came into the room but jumped slightly when Grace pulled up a kitchen chair and plopped herself down on it with a thud. _

"_What's wrong honey?" she inquired with a concerned look in her eyes. "How did it go with Martin?"_

"_Not well. I don't think he took it well at all!" she gulped. "I don't know what to do! I don't want to hurt him anymore than I already have." Grace hung her head and looked down at the floor, trying to hide the tears that had appeared in her eyes. _

"_I'm so sorry sweetie." Her mom sat down beside her daughter and slowly lifted her chin with her fingers. "I know that it was hard but you did the right thing by telling him. He deserved to know."_

"_I'm not so sure about that." Grace interjected. "He looked so small and hurt. I just hate knowing that I was the one who made him feel like that."_

"_Well, the way that I see it is that you have two choices. You can either tell Tommy that you can't go to the prom with him in order to keep Martin happy or you can do what you just did so that you can go on living your life. The choice is ultimately yours and I will support you in whatever you decide to do, but I can't make this decision for you. That is something you have to do and I trust you to make the right decision." Grace's mom pulled her daughter into a tight hug and held her for a couple of minutes before the sound of a pot boiling over pierced the silence of the kitchen. _

_Her mom hopped up to lift the lid of the pot and stir the potatoes as Grace rose to her feet and wandered off in the direction of her room. She opened her door and dropped onto her bed. As she lay on her back looking up at the ceiling she contemplated the decision she had to make. _

_She really didn't want to hurt Martin but he could not give her what she needed. Tommy could. Grace rolled over on her side and grabbed a picture off her nightstand. It was a picture of her sitting on a park bench with Martin standing behind her with his arms wrapped around her neck and shoulders. The sun was shining brightly on them and they both looked so happy. The picture was taken a week before his 'incident'. Grace never saw it coming and Martin hadn't been the same since. Right now, all she wanted was for things to go back to the way they used to be- the way that they were… before. _

_Grace clutched the picture to her chest as she drifted off into a light and tortured sleep._


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's note: A big thank you to everyone who has reviewed so far. I REALLY appreciate it! Reviews definitely make me want to write more and update faster (hint, hint). Also, this chapter is a little bit of a change from Grace's perspective to Rigsby's but it was necessary, I think, in order to understand how the story will unfold later on. Forgive me :)  
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**Disclaimer: I do not own the mentalist (sadly). **

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Van Pelt slowly lifted her head off her desk and shook it slightly to clear the cobwebs from her brain. She hadn't seriously fallen asleep at her desk, had she? She stood up shakily and grabbed her keys, thinking that it might be a good idea to head home for the day before she got herself into trouble. Her head was pounding and the world spun slightly as she made her way to the elevator. She just had to make it home and then she could collapse in bed, where she belonged right now.

She climbed into the car and buckled her seatbelt just as Lisbon and the rest of the team pulled into the parking lot. Jane waved to her out of the window of the passenger side of the SUV they were driving in. Van Pelt managed a weak wave and rolled down her window as Lisbon meandered over to the vehicle to talk to her.

"Where are you going?" Lisbon asked curiously. She leaned up against Grace's car and looked at the younger agent intensely.

"I'm not feeling that hot. I was thinking that I would just head home for the day if that's alright. I left a note on your desk to let you know." Van Pelt pinched the bridge of her nose to stop the impending headache but to no avail. She leaned her head back against the headrest of the driver's seat.

Lisbon cast a concerned look for a brief moment before responding, "I hope that you feel better. You are looking a little bit green; let me know if you need anything." She smiled at her employee as Grace nodded and backed the car out of the parking spot.

After driving for about two blocks Grace's headache grew more intense than it had ever been before. She didn't even have time to pull off the road before a scream left her lips, the world went black, and the car drifted into oncoming traffic.

Rigsby was sitting at his desk when a harried-looking Lisbon flew in his direction. He looked up at her, dumbfounded, as he listened to the words that were tumbling out of her mouth.

"Wayne, you have to come with me right now… it's Grace. She's been in an accident. Things don't look good." Lisbon grabbed his hand and together they ran out of the bureau. Rigsby's mind was racing and he was certainly glad that Lisbon had found and told him. He was also glad that she was able to remain cool and calm in a crisis because he was shaking and his mind was annoyingly cloudy. Despite the fact that they weren't 'together' anymore, he still loved Grace and cared deeply about what happened to her.

Lisbon drove while Rigsby looked out the window, remembering all of the loving moments that he and Grace had shared before Hightower had got in the way. Things hadn't been the same since they had broken up and they barely even talked anymore. Rigsby really wondered what Grace had meant when she said 'I know who I am' to him. He didn't think that their being together wouldn't allow her to be who she was, especially since it was he who offered to give up his job for _her. _They had been moving along so nicely too; Grace had been finally starting to open up to him and that had taken a very long time for her to do. Rigsby wasn't quite sure why that was but he never pushed her beyond where she was comfortable. He absolutely hated Hightower for putting them in this position. He would give anything to have his girlfriend back- scratch that… he would give ANYTHING for Grace to just pull through and be alright.

They finally arrived at the hospital and Rigsby bolted out of the car and through the main doors of the hospital in search of Grace while Lisbon took care of the administrative stuff. He ran up to the first doctor he found and panted, "Grace Van Pelt… Where is she?"

The doctor looked confused and pointed him in the direction of the reception desk. Rigsby shook his head and clenched his fists in anger but Lisbon appeared out of no where and pulled him away before he could physically hurt the poor doctor.

"She's in surgery right now," Lisbon said gently, "but they'll come find us as soon as she is out and back in her room. Then you can visit her." She led him to the waiting room. He followed her like a small, lost child.

"Do you know anything about Grace's parents?" Lisbon asked. "I think that we should call them and let them know what happened to her."

Rigsby shook his head slightly before answering. "I know that Grace and her parents aren't on speaking terms and haven't been since she left Iowa, but she never told me why. I wish she had though." He looked off down the hallway absentmindedly.

"She never left their number on file so I have no idea how to contact them. I think that they should be here though. I mean, they are her parents after all. I wonder what could have happened between them. Grace is so sweet and quiet; I can't see her really falling out with anybody." Lisbon wondered allowed as Rigsby nodded along to her words.

Suddenly, a doctor appeared from around the corner holding a clipboard with one hand and removing a surgical mask with the other.

"Are you here for Grace Van Pelt?" he asked matter of factly. Both Rigsby and Lisbon nodded vehemently. "I have some good news and some bad news. What do you want to hear first?"

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**Next we will actually find out what Martin's incident was. I promise. But first you really need to review this chapter. Deal?**


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's note: Here it is... the flashback you've all been waiting for! Don't get too excited though- it is only one part of Martin and Grace's very complicated relationship... also, don't be too worried. It will relate to Van Pelt and Rigsby's relationship and breakup soon. **

**A huge shout out to all those reviewers who have reviewed this story so far- you know who you are :) You guys are the reason I write! Thank you so much. **

**Please feel free to leave any suggestions for how to improve the story/ my writing. Also, if you have any ideas of where you want this story to go, I am all ears- just let me know.**

**Disclaimer: not mine.**

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_Martin and Grace had dated for two years when they were in high school. That had been the longest that any couple in their grade had stayed together. They had been voted the 'cutest couple' on several occasions and everyone had them pegged for marriage after graduation. _

_Grace had been the happiest she had ever been up until the middle of the eleventh grade when things started to go downhill for Martin and her. It started the summer after grade ten when Martin's best friend, Andy, moved out of state. Andy had been the most popular guy in their class and Martin had always been associated with that. After Andy left though, no one paid any attention to Martin and he found himself all alone with the exception of his girlfriend. He took that hit hard and by the end of the summer vacations he had started to mix with many people of whom Grace did not approve._

_Martin started to get involved in drugs and started to spiral down into depression. Grace was very worried about him and tried to get him to talk to her but he never would. She would wait by his locker for him after classes only to find out that he hadn't actually gone to class; she would also call him and drop by his house but he continued to shut her out. It got so bad that she confronted his parents about his behaviour and they hadn't noticed a change, which Grace thought was very strange._

_Three weeks after confronting Martin's parents, Grace was sitting in math class gazing at Martin's vacant seat when the Principle came on the P.A. system._

"_Attention please," the voice started. "Would Martin Marleau please come to the office immediately? Martin Marleau to the office."_

_Grace cringed and sunk down in her seat. She did not know what Martin had done but she knew that since he was not in class where he belonged, he must have been up to no good. She hoped that he hadn't gotten himself in too much trouble._

_That night Grace found herself sitting in her room with the phone on her lap, waiting in vain for it to ring. She had hoped that Martin might call to talk to her and tell her about what had happened in school earlier that day. She waited all night but no call came. Eventually she fell asleep by remembering all of the good times that she and Martin had shared; she could hardly believe that the boy she was dating now was the same person she had loved before. _

_Martin didn't show up for school the next day. Or the day after that. Or the next day. After about two weeks of his absence and after not receiving any phone calls or emails from him during that time, Grace decided that the best course of action would be to confront his parents. After all, she was his girlfriend and had been for the last two years. She deserved to know what was going on, especially if Martin wanted her to remain his girlfriend. _

_Grace pulled up to the driveway of the Marleau residence and cut the engine before hopping out of the car and running up to the front door. The light in Martin's room was off but there was a distinct glow coming from the kitchen. She seriously doubted that Martin would be there anyway especially if recent behaviour was anything to go on. _

_She wasted no time ringing the doorbell and was soon ushered inside by Martin's mother. She joined them in sitting around the kitchen table where the dinner dishes had yet to be cleaned up._

"_Can we offer you anything to eat or drink, Grace?" Martin's mom asked kindly, proceeding to move the dishes from the table onto the counter in order to make space for the newcomer._

"_Oh, I'm alright, thank you." Grace responded politely before ploughing on. "The reason I'm here is to do with Martin and his behaviour lately… he is worrying me."_

_Martin's parents looked at her with pity in their eyes; it was a pity that she did not understand but definitely did not want. Finally, after what seemed like an eternal pause, Martin's mom spoke up. "He was worrying us too. After the trouble he got in at school…" Grace's ears perked up at the mention of this incident since she still had no idea what had happened. She focused in on what Martin's mom was saying once again. "…and the fit he threw here, we decided that there really was only one option left. We're really sorry Grace." Grace had no idea what the woman was talking about. What had happened at school that he got in so much trouble and what did she mean by 'fit'? _

"_I'm sorry but I don't understand," Grace started. "What happened at school? Where is Martin now?"_

_Martin's dad looked up with surprise before answering. "He didn't tell you? We told him to call you and explain everything." Martin's mom looked down at her hands briefly before getting up and starting to make tea. Once she had set a steaming cup of tea and a plate of cookies down in front of Grace, she sat down and cleared her throat._

"_I'm not sure we're the best people to tell you this, it would have been much better coming from Martin but I guess, given the circumstances, we will have to suffice." Grace nodded sympathetically, grabbing a cookie and eating it slowly as she listened._

"_During a routine drug search of the high school the police found some in Martin's locker. He was arrested and the drugs were confiscated but when they went to clear out the locker, drugs weren't all they found…"_

_Grace gasped and nearly spat out the crumbs of the cookie she had just been eating. What else had they found? How could things get any worse?_

"_They also found a gun in his backpack. We don't know where it came from since we don't own any. Apparently he was planning to use it that day but luckily the drug bust stopped him before he got the chance."_

_Grace tried to wipe the shocked look off her face before she responded. "Oh my God!" she started. "I knew something was wrong and he kept pushing me away. He wouldn't talk to me at all these last few weeks but I never thought… I didn't think he would ever, EVER, try anything like this. It doesn't seem real… you only read about these things in the news. Why would he be so stupid?"_

_Martin's parents looked at each other before turning back to Grace. His father finally answered, "he had been so down lately but we didn't think anything of it. It's normal for teenagers to go through a rebellious stage and Martin hadn't had one yet so we just thought… this is it. But then things got worse and worse and we tried to get him to talk to somebody but he refused. He just locked himself in his room night after night and we had no idea what he got up to. He wouldn't talk to us and he wouldn't talk to you. This incident was the last straw."_

"_Where is he now?" Grace asked, looking around as if trying to find some indication of Martin's whereabouts in the house. _

"_He's at the hospital… in the psych ward. They wanted to sentence him to a prison term but we managed to get him into a facility where they might actually be able to help him." Martin's mom grabbed some Kleenex from the box on the table and wiped her eyes as she spoke. "He was not happy with us at all and threw a huge tantrum but really, this is the best thing for him. We're so sorry things turned out this way, Grace."_

_Grace nodded her head slowly, taking in all the information she had just received. She could not believe what Martin had done, or nearly done. She also could not picture him in a psychiatric hospital. She expected that there was more to the story than she was being told; she thought that Martin's parents were trying to shelter her from something… she just didn't know what. She thanked them for talking with her and for the tea and cookies as she made her way to the front door to collect her purse and car keys. _

_She didn't feel like going home quite yet but she also didn't want to stay with Martin's parents, so she excused herself and climbed in her car, preparing for some aimless driving. After about twenty minutes, Grace found herself at a park by the river. She climbed out of the car and walked down to the sandy river bank where she promptly sat down and dipped her flip-flop clad feet into the cool running water as she thought. _

_Her mind could not comprehend everything that had just happened. Martin was definitely not the person that she used to know and love. Right now, she felt nothing but anger and pity and fear for him and those emotions curdled up in her stomach, making her feel ill. She let out a wail, not caring that people were around or that they could hear her, as her body became wracked with sobs._

_Why did her life have to become so complicated? _

_Little did she know this whole issue would be quite small compared to what she had coming to her…_

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_**Ominous, yes?**

**Please review and let me know what you think! It gives me incentive to write more and to update faster. Next up, we find out how modern-day Grace is doing and whether or not she will survive the accident... but only if you review. Duh duh duh...  
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	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Thanks once again for all of your wonderful reviews! I really appreciate them! So here is where we find out how Grace is doing... hope you enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: not mine in the least. **

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Rigsby waited with baited breath while the doctor finished removing his surgical mask. Lisbon, who still had her wits about her, was the one to respond to the doctor's comment.

"What's the good news? How bad is the bad news?" she asked quietly, casting a worried glance in Rigsby's direction. She grabbed his hand and squeezed it reassuringly while they waited for the doctor to answer her questions.

"Why don't you sit down?" the doctor asked gently, motioning towards the uncomfortable couches that occupied the waiting room. Rigsby gulped. Sitting was not good; it meant that there was really bad news and the doctor just didn't want to deal with having to pick him up off the floor. All he knew is that he definitely did not want to sit down right now but he felt Lisbon guide him over to the couch and he let her easily overpower him until he was in a sitting position.

"Please… can you tell us what's going on?" Lisbon asked again. The doctor nodded and looked down at his hands before answering.

"Grace sustained a major head injury along with severe whiplash from the crash. She has some low-grade bruising on her extremities but other than that no major or life threatening injuries." Rigsby smiled at this information, she was going to be alright! Lisbon on the other hand was confused and brought up an interesting point that Rigsby, in his excitement that Grace would be ok, had overlooked.

"If Grace only sustained fairly minor injuries, why was she in surgery?" Lisbon asked the doctor, with a confused expression on her face.

"Ah…" the doctor replied slowly. "This is where the bad news comes in." Lisbon felt Rigsby seize up beside her and she squeezed his arm once again, trying to keep him calm. The doctor continued speaking. "The force of her hitting the steering wheel had an incredible impact on her abdomen. The little one didn't survive the trauma…" the doctor finished quietly. "I'm so sorry."

Rigsby shook his head, trying to understand. The doctor had said 'the little one' and Rigsby reflected on this slowly… the little what? He couldn't mean… could he? Rigsby blanched suddenly and swayed in his seat. Lisbon caught hold of him and tried to steady him, all the while looking at the doctor with the same intense stare she used on Jane whenever she was trying to extract information from him.

"You mean to say…" she started, but the doctor cut her off.

"She was in the middle of her first trimester." The doctor eyed Rigsby warily before continuing, "I thought that you knew… I thought that you might be the father. I'm very sorry for assuming." He turned a bright shade of red before turning and scuttling out of the waiting room. Lisbon wasted no time in turning and fixing Rigsby with a pointed stare.

"You and she… you're pregnant?"

"We WERE, I guess. Unless of course she was seeing someone else, I really don't know. She never told me."

"It's possible she never knew either," Lisbon reassured him, getting to her feet and turning around to face him. "C'mon, let's go find her and let her know that we're here and that we're glad she's alright." Rigsby followed suit and trotted along after her, still obviously confused about the news that he had just received. Seeing as how Grace had been moved to another room after her surgery, they had to go back to reception to inquire about where she was now. After a few brief minutes Lisbon and Rigsby were on their way to find her room.

Grace was lying silently in bed with only the sound of her heart rate monitor beeping noisily in the background to keep her company. Her head was pounding and she couldn't really lift it up off the pillow but on the whole she felt much better than she had earlier although she wished that Wayne was there with her. She really didn't have any idea that she was pregnant but it did explain some of the symptoms that she just assumed were the flu.

She was torn between distress and sadness at having lost her baby just as she found out about it's existence and relief knowing that she would not have to be responsible for another human being right now. She thought that it might be for the best because she wasn't put together yet… she didn't think that she'd make a good mother and she definitely did not feel ready. She groaned inwardly, feeling like such a bad person for even entertaining these thoughts. As a change of pace, Grace turned her thoughts to Rigsby and of what could have been between them. It really did seem like fate was trying to tear them apart and keep them that way.

She rolled over on her side and curled up in a ball under the covers, paying special attention to protect her neck and head. She had no idea how to tell Rigsby that her baby, their baby, whom he never even knew about, had died. She drew in a deep breath while her hands wandered down to rub her abdomen absently. She consoled herself by thinking that she probably got what she deserved. The ideal and coveted life where mom, dad, and baby all lived together happily was elusive to her and she understood why. She did not deserve that happiness for what she had done and the universe seemed to agree.

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**And now we will be heading back to Grace's past where things are about to get VERY interesting and will start to explain why she behaves like she does now... **

**Please don't hesitate to leave any suggestions or comments either :)  
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	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: I'm sorry for throwing yet another new character at you, but she really is necessary to Grace's character development and her relationship with Rigsby later on... I think you might be able to guess why.**

**Once again, thank you so much to everyone who has reviewed. You guys all should win prizes for your sheer awesomeness :)**

**Disclaimer: you would think after this long they might consider giving it to me, but alas, it is still not mine. **

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_A year and a half after finding out about Martin's incident, Grace found the memories of that time slowly seeping in unwanted. She tried to keep them out as much as she could but with prom approaching and her recent visit to Martin the thoughts just wouldn't stay away. She internally berated herself for breaking her unspoken code._

_Grace had moped around the house for the first week after the Martin incident but she quickly decided that she was not the kind of girl who fretted over a boy. She made up her mind to be strong and carry on with her head held high, no matter what people said. _She knew who she was_. _

_Grace pushed all thoughts of Martin out of her head for the time being because the prom was that night and she was going with Tommy, the cutest boy in school. She had her dress all picked out and her shoes had been bought and her hair appointment made. All in all, she planned to be beautiful. _

_Grace's sister, Faith, had been very helpful with the preparations. She had already been through the whole prom experience and knew exactly what to expect. Faith was a full year older than Grace and had just come home after completing her first year of college. _

"_That dress looks absolutely gorgeous on you Grace!" her sister gushed as Grace stood looking at herself in the full length mirror. She smiled and blushed a little bit as her mother walked in and nodded in agreement._

"_You look even prettier than Faith did," their mother teased while Faith made a face. _

"_I don't think that's possible…" Faith argued. "It's not fair that Grace gets the long red hair while I got stuck with stupid blonde. Everybody has blonde hair." Faith fiddled with Grace's hair, making sure all the loose strands were contained in her hair elastics before shaking her head no and pulling Grace's hair out of its up-do. "Your hair should definitely be down with that strapless dress," she added as an afterthought. Grace just nodded and let Faith fix her hair. _

_After a couple of minutes and a whole lot of brushing, Faith stepped back to let Grace get a better look at herself in the mirror without anyone blocking her view. _

"_Wow!" Grace exclaimed. "I don't even look like myself!"_

"_That's not true," her mother said, as she snapped several pictures of Grace in her dress. "You look exactly how you used to look when you would dress up in your princess costumes and run around the house, trying to steal my high heels and pretending to go the ball. The only difference is that now you actually are Cinderella and your date for the ball has just pulled up in our driveway."_

_Grace smiled and rushed down the stairs as the doorbell rang; she tried her hardest not to trip and fall as she hurried down to open the door. She was too late. A rather uncomfortable looking Tommy stood in the front hallway, holding a corsage and trapped in a conversation with Grace's father. _

_Grace hurried up to her date in the attempt to rescue him from what she knew would be a very intimidating conversation for Tommy. _

_Faith and her Mom and Dad all gathered around to say goodbye to Grace as Tommy slipped the corsage around her wrist and started to escort her to his car. _

"_Be safe! Don't stay out too late!" Grace's mom called after them as they disappeared into the night. _

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_Two days after the prom, Grace was still ecstatically excited about the events that occurred that night. Tommy had been a perfect gentleman, opening doors for her, pulling out her chair, dancing with her, and finishing the night off with a kiss goodnight on her doorstep as he dropped her off back home. She couldn't have asked for a better night. _

_She definitely thought that she was falling for Tommy and she hadn't felt that way about anyone since Martin. That made what she saw the following week all the more difficult…_

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_The Tuesday after the prom, Grace couldn't sleep so she climbed out of bed and wandered down to the kitchen so that she could get herself a glass of water. As she passed the front door, she noticed a car pull in to the driveway and stop. She heard her sister's high laugh float through the air as she and a boy hopped out of the car and dance up to the house holding hands. _

_Grace stopped in her tracks at the sound of the boy's voice. She recognized it… but it couldn't be… Faith wouldn't do that to her. Grace stayed at the window long enough to see Tommy bend down and embrace Faith in what seemed to be a VERY passionate kiss that lasted for far too long before he turned and made his way back to his car. Grace heard the sound of a key in the lock and she prepared herself for a fight as an unsuspecting Faith stumbled into the dark entranceway. _

"_What the hell do you think you are doing?" Grace nearly shouted at her sister. Faith jumped in the air, fully not expecting anyone to be awake when she got home. _

"_I was on a date, what do you think?"_

"_With MY boyfriend! I cannot believe that Tommy is cheating on me with you! I never thought that you would ever do anything like this to me!" Grace shouted, failing to keep her voice down in the night as the anger took over her. _

"_Shhh!" Faith hushed her sister. "Do you want Mom and Dad to come running down here?"_

"_You think I care about Mom and Dad coming down here? I don't. You betrayed me, you stole my boyfriend away from me, I wish you weren't my sister!"_

"_He never was your boyfriend!" Faith shouted back, stepping closer to Grace and clenching her fists. "He never really liked you. He only went out with you because he felt bad about your last boyfriend going crazy and ending up in a mental institution!" Faith finished with a laugh as Grace stepped towards her and slapped her across the face. _

"_I hate you." Grace said dangerously. "I hope you die."_

_She turned and ran up the stairs leaving a shaking Faith in the front hallway. Grace flopped down on her bed as tears and guilt consumed her. So much for sleeping tonight… _

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**TBC**

**I know that Grace doesn't have a mean streak to her... or does she? It has to happen though, it will make sense later, I promise. The more you review, the faster you will find out why!**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: I'm really sorry for the brief hiatus but I'm back and so is the story... Another big thank you to everyone who has reviewed! You guys all deserve gold stars.**

**Disclaimer: not mine.**

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Grace awoke to the sounds of a commotion going on outside her bedroom door. It took her a while to open her eyes and remember where she was but she soon realized that she was in a hospital and that the noise that she heard in the hallway was actually the sound of Wayne Rigsby's voice. Grace pulled the covers tighter around her and closed her eyes so that she could easily pretend to be asleep if she had to. Suddenly the door burst open and the room filled with light.

"See, I told you," the voice of the night-time nurse echoed around the room. "She's sleeping and needs her rest. Come back during visiting hours tomorrow."

"No. I can't leave her… I need to be with her!" Rigsby pleaded. Grace had never heard Rigsby sound so desperate and scared before, the only time that came close was when he was pleading with her not to break up with him. Grace opened her eyes a sliver and saw Rigsby push past the nurse and walk over to the bed. Grace quickly shut her eyes as he pulled up a chair and sat down next to her, grabbing her hand and holding it tightly.

"Sir, I'm really sorry, but I'm afraid I need to ask you to leave. It is hospital policy!" the nurse said again. Rigsby stood up and towered over her before Lisbon intervened.

"Ma'am we're with the CBI and it would really be less trouble for you if you just let him stay here." Lisbon offered gently, flashing her badge. The nurse let out a huff and turned on her heel and left the room. As soon as the nurse was gone, Van Pelt decided that it was time to open her eyes and face her boss and ex-boyfriend.

"How are you feeling?" Lisbon asked, noticing Van Pelt's return to consciousness.

"My head hurts…" she said slowly, "but otherwise, I think I'm ok." Rigsby looked at her like he didn't believe her as he started to sink back down into his chair, reaching for her hand once again. She let him take it briefly but then pulled away again as she remembered the bad news she had to tell him. He recoiled and tried to hide the hurt expression that flashed across his features as she turned away from him.

"Are you comfortable? Can I get you anything?" Lisbon asked gently, trying to ease some of the tension in the room. She walked over to the rookie's bed and propped her up on the pillows to try and make her more comfortable. Van Pelt thanked her as she stepped back from the bed.

"No, thank you though. I think I just need to sleep." She replied.

Lisbon smiled at Grace as Rigsby got up and paced around the room wringing his hands. Grace took a deep breath before speaking. "There's something we have to talk about, Wayne," she started slowly.

Lisbon nodded and excused herself politely before leaving the room. Rigsby made his way back over Grace's bedside and sat down next to her. He certainly was jumpy tonight, Van Pelt noted with her concussed mind, even more jumpy and fidgety than he usually was.

He finally sat back down next to her and gave her his undivided attention. Grace's eyes filled with tears as she looked into Wayne's concerned eyes. She didn't want to hurt him anymore than she already had but this was something that he really needed to know. He noticed the tears and wrapped her in a hug as she started to cry.

"Shhh…" he whispered, rubbing her back and pulling her tighter. "I know. I already know. It's ok," he said soothingly as she sobbed on his shoulder.

"You do?" she choked. "I'm so, so sorry! I didn't even know."

Grace felt ashamed of herself for losing it like this, especially with him, but her head and neck hurt too much for her to really care so she just let herself go this one time. She let herself relax into his embrace and eventually she felt sleep start to overtake her…

Rigsby felt her relax and go limp in his arms as her breathing started to even out. He gently lay her back down on her pillows, kissing her on her forehead as he scooted her over on the bed so that he could lie down next to her. A quiet knock on the door came and Lisbon popped her head around the corner briefly.

"Is everything alright in here?" she asked quietly.

Wayne looked up at her as he held Grace tightly. "I think so," he answered with a small smile.

"I'm going to go home and catch some sleep. Are you staying here?" Lisbon was pretty sure she already knew the answer and was not surprised to see Rigsby nod. "Alright. I'll see you tomorrow." She waved and a few seconds later she was gone. Rigsby had forgotten what it had felt like to hold Van Pelt but he was so happy that he was able to do it once again. He only hoped that once the pain medication wore off she would still let him in to her life; it would crush him if this was just a mere side effect of the head injury and other trauma. Rigsby sighed deeply and slowly drifted off into a rather uncomfortable sleep.

**TBC**


	12. Chapter 12

_Grace finished her senior year thinking that nothing was going right. Her amazing prom memories had been ruined by her sister- the one who she was supposed to respect and admire- and now Martin was upset with her again. Grace was not impressed at all when she got the call because who was he to tell her what she could and couldn't do after what he had done to everyone and to her especially. _

_He had begged and pleaded with her to come and see him and in the end she felt herself caving again, like she always did with him. She borrowed her mom's car and went to the hospital to visit with him. _

_As soon as she walked into the room, Martin confronted her about the whole Tommy situation. _

"_I can't believe that you let HIM take you to the prom!" He shouted at her. "You were supposed to wait for me. You are MINE."_

_Grace swelled her chest and looked him straight in the face. She was not going to be treated like this by him any longer. She couldn't even believe that he had called her in just for this. The whole thing was quite ridiculous and it made her angry. _

"_First of all, I DO NOT belong to you!" Grace shouted back. "I am my own person and can do whatever I like. Second of all, there is no way that you can actually expect me to sit around and wait for you to be discharged!"_

_Martin stared at Grace with venomous rage in his eyes but Grace did not falter or back down. Instead, she returned his piercing gaze with one of her own as she clenched her fists by her sides, preparing for more confrontation. _

"_You don't understand what it's been like for me these past couple of years." Martin shouted. "I have been locked up with no one to talk to. The only thing I look forward to is getting out and being with you. It's all I think about." The look in his eyes softened as he chanced a glance at Grace, hoping to see her melt a little bit at his words. No such luck. She fixed him with her coldest stare as she continued to speak. _

"_After what you put me through, there is no chance in hell that I will ever get back together with you. We are over, Martin Marleau, and have been ever since you brought that gun to school." Grace made to move towards the door but Martin hopped off his bed and ran around to block her exit._

"_I can't let you leave." Martin said, panicked, as Grace tried to push past him. "I need you to stay here with me. You don't understand. I need you." He grabbed her shoulders and shook her slightly but she quickly brushed his hands away._

"_You are crazy. Get out of my way, NOW!" she screamed, hoping someone from outside would come in and help her. No one did. Martin looked hurt briefly but that look turned into one of determination in no time at all. _

"_Break up with Tommy and I'll leave you alone," he argued. Grace looked at him in disgust._

"_You do not get to decide who I go out with and who I don't. You are not my boyfriend anymore, how many times do I have to tell you that?" _

"_Break up with Tommy!" he pressured again. _

"_Get out of my way!" Grace screamed again as she tried to push him out of the way again. He did not budge. "Get out of my way!"_

"_Break up with Tommy!" _

_Even though Grace was no longer with Tommy because of what she had seen him and Faith doing, she decided then and there that it was time to not let Martin control her anymore. So much of her life over the last while had been defined by him and she was tired of it. She reached up her hand and smacked him across the face, hoping that this would shock him into moving. It didn't. Instead his eyes turned dark and he grabbed her shoulder again, pushing her over to the bed._

"_You shouldn't have done that," he muttered dangerously as he kicked her knees, making her fall helplessly onto the bed. Grace realized what was about to happen and she tried to scream but nothing came out. She wriggled in the attempt to free herself from his grasp but he was too strong. Martin had one hand on her neck while the other was fiddling with the belt buckle on his pants._

_Grace eventually grew tired of fighting and gave up, thinking that her life couldn't get any worse. She then thought of how happy she was before she had even met Martin and she wished that she could go back to that time. She knew who she was then and she knew who she wanted to be. Now she wasn't so sure but it was time to make a decision. She wanted to be that girl again, the one who had everything planned out, the one who knew what she wanted in life and how to get it. She was not going to let it be changed by some stupid guy. _

_Grace screamed at the top of her lungs and with a well-aimed kick freed herself from Martin's grasp just as the door was flung open by a bunch of nurses._

"_What is going on in here?" asked the first nurse who entered the room. Grace shook her head violently as the tears rolled down her face. The nurse made to move towards her but she quickly backed away, not wanting to be touched ever again. She looked directly at Martin for a brief second._

"_Go to Hell." She told him as she turned and ran off into the darkness. _

__**Please, please review... it definitely gives me more incentive to write and update...  
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	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Wow, this story has certainly gotten longer than I had originally anticipated... hope you don't mind. Also, I apologize in advance for the ending of this chapter. Thank you to everyone who has reviewed, I really, really appreciate it! Please feel free to leave any comments (good or bad) about the story so that I can tailor it to suit your interests. Like I said, this is my first venture inside Grace's head and personality and it is really quite different than anything I've ever written before. **

**End Ramble... Hope you enjoy :)  
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**Disclaimer: not mine**

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Grace's arm was numb and she couldn't register why that was, her sleep-addled mind wasn't helping much either. She was quite certain, however, that that had been the best sleep that she had had in a very long time. As she rolled over in the hospital bed to try and relieve the pressure on her arm she realized that the warmth she was feeling was not actually from the blankets draped over her but from the embrace of one Wayne Rigsby instead. Grace twitched involuntarily and tried to free herself from his grasp but he was holding her too tightly. She should have known that his feelings for her after the break-up ran deeper than he let on…

Van Pelt decided that the best course of action would be to shake him awake gently under the pretence of her needing to get up to use the bathroom. It worked and a few seconds later Rigsby groggily lifted his head to look at her.

"G'morning," he mumbled, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

"Hi," she said, "you didn't have to stay."

"I wanted to. There was no way that I was going to leave you alone after last night." Grace shrugged her hospital gown higher up on her shoulders in the attempt to hide the red blush creeping up her face. She pushed the covers back and climbed out of bed. "Where are you going?" Rigsby asked gently.

Van Pelt was already halfway out the door before she answered. "To the washroom," she replied. Rigsby ran after her to make sure that she was alright but Van Pelt sped up. Couldn't he see that she just wanted a couple of minutes alone?

"Grace!" he called.

Apparently not… She turned back to look at him briefly, all the while continuing her purposeful strides in the direction of the bathroom. "Are you sure you're alright? Should I get a nurse?" he inquired.

"I'm fine," she said. "I'm actually feeling better than I have all week. No need to worry about me."

"I'm always going to worry about you, whether you like it or not."

Grace blushed again and picked up her pace. She needed to get out of here. Although his words were sweet, they did nothing to make her feel better. After all, it was her fault that he had lost both his girlfriend and unborn baby in the same couple of weeks and that was not fair to him at all. Once in the bathroom she closed the toilet lid and sat down, exhausted slightly from her short journey, not to mention the emotional whirlwind that she was currently experiencing. She no longer knew what to think. She really loved Wayne and probably always would but no matter how hard she tried she could only ever imagine the relationship ending in a pain that she more than likely caused. That was her pattern after all. She almost, almost wished that she was on speaking terms with her parents so that she could ask for their advice. That is what she did with most of her relationship problems as a teenager but she couldn't do that anymore. She hadn't talked to them since she left Iowa and she doubted that they'd even want to talk to her if she called. A knock on the door interrupted Grace from her thoughts; she hadn't realized that she'd spent the better part of twenty minutes in the bathroom. Wayne must be freaking out by now, she thought with a slight smile.

"Is everything ok?" he asked with a hint of panic in his voice as she emerged from the washroom. He quickly put his arm around her shoulders in the attempt to lead her back to bed. She pushed it away, ignoring the way her heart dropped and the pained expression on his face.

"I'm fine." She said curtly as she climbed in bed just as a nurse came into the room to examine her and her file. After a quick glance at the file and a rather longer examination of Van Pelt, the nurse summoned a doctor who agreed that Grace was ready to be discharged just as long as she promised not to drive until she had full range of motion in her neck. Rigsby hurried to offer to drive her wherever she needed to go.

Soon, Grace found herself sitting in Rigsby's car on her way to her apartment. She was quite excited to be going home but was not super thrilled that Wayne had eagerly volunteered to take care of her. She hated being waited on and had always been far too independent. Wayne kept glancing at her every few seconds to make sure that she was alright and he purposely drove slowly and was extra careful on bumps and rough patches. Grace was almost getting annoyed with how much he seemed to care for her because she knew that he deserved better. Maybe she should tell him about her past so that he could see that she wasn't the person he thought she was. It seemed like an increasingly good idea.

Once at home, Rigsby made sure that he had helped Grace up the steps and through the door. He propped her up with pillows on the couch, gave her a blanket and the remote control for the television. He then set about making her dinner. Grace wasn't particularly hungry but the smell that wafted into the living room was really quite good and it reminded her of the good old times. She could go back there, she considered but then berated herself for being so selfish. Wayne came back into the room and set a few candles around the room before lighting them, filling the room with an almost haunting glow.

Van Pelt gulped. She did not like the look of this and she had an idea of where it was going. Rigsby came in with two plates of food and carefully set one down in front of Grace before putting his on the table and sinking to the floor in front of her. Grace started to shove the pasta into her mouth just as Wayne pulled out a ring.

"Grace Van Pelt, will you marry me?"

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**TBC**

**Review please?  
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	14. Chapter 14

**Author's note: Once again, a big thank-you to everyone who reviewed. Don't worry about the proposal, I just needed something to keep the present day story going until the past is finished being explained. They aren't going to marry yet- no worries. (Sorry to spoil it for you but as you can tell, the time is not right for them). I already have the ending worked out for them but I just needed to buy some time. Sorry for dragging you along a little bit. So once again, thank you for the reviews... and sorry for scaring you. **

**Disclaimer: not mine.**

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_Grace and Faith had always been very close as children, two peas in a pod their mom would call them. Faith was definitely more of her mother's child while Grace took to her father quite well. Grace loved to play sports and happily joined the football team under the watchful eye of her dad. Faith, on the other hand was not so athletic and much preferred to stay at home and help her mom with baking and other things. Despite all their differences, young Grace and Faith were never at a loss for things to do together. They were always playing elaborate, imaginative games with each other and would be content for hours. _

_Things didn't change much as they grew older. Grace naturally became the object of the boys' affection even if she didn't notice it. Faith worked hard so that boys would notice her; she would spend hours curling or straightening her hair and doing her make-up. Grace looked up to her older sister implicitly, but as time went on, Faith started to grow more and more jealous of Grace. Faith was more than happy to go away to college because Grace wouldn't be able to steal the spotlight from her there but Grace missed her sister a great deal while she was gone. Grace was always a little blind where Faith was concerned, she didn't really notice when her sister would try and do things in order to hurt her. That is why the events that unfolded with Tommy came as such a big shock to her. _

_After the fight, Faith and Grace didn't speak to each other for almost two weeks. Their mother and father tried to bring the girls back together but to no avail. Eventually they just gave up. Then came the day that Grace got a phone call from Martin, pleading with her to come and visit him at the hospital since he had something important to tell her. Faith was supposed to pick Grace up afterwards and was a little bit surprised to see her dishevelled and tear-stricken sister sitting on the front steps of the building._

_Grace noticed Faith pull into the parking lot and she stood up and made her way over to the car. _

"_What happened?" her sister asked, genuinely concerned._

"_I don't want to talk about it." Grace said bluntly before turning and looking out the window, trying to avoid eye contact._

"_What did he do?" Faith asked again._

_Grace was silent but she felt her sister's gaze on her. She squirmed a little in her seat. "I told you already, I don't want to talk about it."_

_Faith didn't stop asking. She was mixed with concern for her sister and a little sliver of delight that for once, things weren't perfect in Grace-land. "C'mon," she continued. "You can tell me."_

_Grace turned to glare at her sister with anger in her eyes. "How many times do I have to tell you before you can get it through your thick skull? I DO NOT WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT!"_

"_Fine," Faith said finally, "but I want you out of the car. Right now." She had already started to pull off the road. _

_Grace was confused. "What?" she asked._

"_If you're not going to talk, I'm not going to drive you. You'll have to find your own way home."_

"_Have I mentioned lately that I hate you?" Grace asked as she unfastened her seatbelt and climbed out of the car, "because I do." She slammed the car door in Faith's face but Faith ignored her and drove away. Grace began to walk aimlessly in the direction of home. Her parents certainly wouldn't be happy with what Faith had done to her, she thought spitefully. _

_After about half an hour of walking, Grace had made it to her house. She was surprised to not see the car in the driveway. Had Faith gone somewhere after forcing her out of the car? Grace opened the door to find her mother and father sitting in the living room surrounded by Kleenex. That was not a good sign. _

"_What's wrong?" Grace asked when she finally found her voice. Her parents looked at her with a bizarre expression that Grace could not easily read. _

"_Why weren't you in the car with Faith?" her mother demanded._

"_She kicked me out."_

"_Why?"_

_Grace remembered the reason why she had been in a bad mood as she left the hospital and it all had to do with Martin. All she really wanted right now was to shower and crawl into bed. She just wanted to be alone. _

"_Why?" her mother asked again. Apparently Grace's wish was not supposed to come true any time soon. _

"_I don't want to talk about it!" Grace shouted. "Where is Faith?" she asked again, more gently. _

"_She got hit by another car that ran a red light. The police officers just left. She didn't make it."_

_Tears immediately sprung into Grace's eyes as her last conversation replayed in her mind. She was fairly sure that the last thing that she had told Faith was that she hated her. Sure Faith was self-centred and mean to her, but nobody deserved that. Grace felt immediately sick with guilt and it didn't help that her parents were staring at her like it was her fault. She supposed it was though. If she hadn't argued with Faith, if they hadn't stopped, Faith would still be alive right now. _

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_**This is actually my first story from Grace's POV and I thought that it would be a lot harder to write than it actually is. I feel badly though because I seem to be putting her through a lot of pain. Hopefully things will get better for her soon :) Please let me know what you think! I really appreciate you taking the time to review. **_  
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	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: Sorry for the shortness of this chapter but I thought that I would give you something to tide you over until the next larger flashback... We are coming near the end and I am just trying to tie up all the loose ends, so please bear with me :) I feel really bad for Rigsby here... I mean, I know he comes across as clueless, but not usually this much. I didn't mean to be so mean to him. Sorry about that.  
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**Once again, a big thank you to everyone who has reviewed! You are truly amazing!**

**Disclaimer: not mine.**

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Grace sat on the couch, shocked. Had he really just asked her _that _question? Now was certainly not the time for thought about marriage! She wasn't ready and neither was he, especially since they hadn't been officially in a relationship with each other for several months now. She eventually noticed the uncomfortable silence that was seeping into the room and the look of trepidation on Rigsby's face.

"No…" she said softly.

"No?" He asked, confused.

"I can't…" she continued. Rigsby had come up off his knee and was now sitting on the couch beside Grace. She shuffled over to the far side, away from him. She knew that she was hurting him with her actions and her words but it had to be. She couldn't say yes, neither of them was ready for this big step.

"Why?" Rigsby's eyes shone as he spoke. He clearly thought that this was the best move forward that they could make. He didn't know her though; he never really knew her. Grace felt guilty for letting Rigsby fall in love with a lie. She definitely didn't deserve him.

"It's not the right time for either of us," Grace started but Rigsby interrupted.

"Don't give me that… Of course it is! I almost lost you! This isn't even counting the part where I lost you because of stupid Hightower!" He shouted angrily.

"We had to make a decision back then. I didn't want you to hate me later on! You love your job. I'm tired of people hating me." Van Pelt blushed a little at that last comment. It wasn't something that she had meant to share with him. He turned to face her before responding.

"What do you mean by that? No one hates you." Rigsby looked utterly confused. As far as he knew, Van Pelt got along well with everybody. He knew that she had had a difference of opinions with her parents at one point but he thought that it was something they would eventually work out. He remembered what Lisbon had said to him that day in the hospital- that Grace was so quiet and sweet and it was hard to see her falling out with anybody. Rigsby certainly had to agree. He looked back up at Van Pelt and saw her pained expression. He just wanted to hold her and tell her that everything would be alright but he couldn't do that. She would never let him. Instead, he sat still and listened as she spoke.

"That's not true at all. Don't you ever wonder why I left Iowa, why I never have any visitors, why I never go back? There's a reason for it all. I can't marry you, it isn't fair to you and I definitely don't deserve you." Grace had collapsed into tears and so it became increasingly difficult for Rigsby to understand what she was saying. His eyes were also brimmed with tears.

"I think you're wrong," he said gently. "I think that you DO deserve me, you just don't realize it yet. I also think that I deserve YOU. I love you Grace Van Pelt and I always will." He lifted her chin up with two fingers so that their tear-filled eyes could meet. After a few seconds Grace looked away.

"I can't marry you, Wayne." She reiterated. "Not yet."

She looked back up at him and saw the sadness etched into his face. "I'm not saying never," she continued, "there's just so much we need to talk about and decide first. There are things that I want to tell you first."

"And you won't even consider it?" Wayne asked hopefully. Van Pelt shook her head sadly.

"This isn't the time. I'm not ready. I am so, so sorry, Wayne."

Rigsby nodded slightly. "I guess I understand. I should go." He stood up slowly and pocketed the ring before turning and heading out the door. Grace was caught with the urge to call after him but for now she decided to just let him go. He needed his space, she was sure of it. There would be plenty of time for words later.

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**TBC...**

**Review? please?  
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	16. Chapter 16

**Again, I am sorry for the delay in updating and for the unexpected turn this story has taken... please bear with me though because it will all turn out in the end and these moments are key in the shaping of Van Pelt's character... So please review and let me know what you think! Also, just to let you know that I know ABSOLUTELY NOTHING about the commute from Iowa to California considering I live all the way in Canada, so I was very non-specific about that part. Just a heads up. **

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_Grace left Iowa the next day. She had packed her bags that evening and spent the rest of the time whiling away the hours until morning by pacing her room. She just couldn't stay anymore, not after what she had done. Her parents must surely hate her now; there's something about one daughter practically killing her sister that didn't go over well in their eyes and Grace definitely couldn't blame them. _

_She caught the first train out of Iowa which happened to be heading for California. She had never been there before but she was excited to get out and to never look back and California seemed like just as good a place as any to do that. Her parents had not even realized she had left before she was boarding the train and well on her way. She felt vaguely guilty about leaving without saying goodbye, especially after they had lost one daughter already but Grace really believed it was for the best. After all, everybody had loved Faith and her death was entirely Grace's fault, or so she thought. _

_Her life had been a whirlwind for the past couple of weeks, what with everything that happened between her and Tommy, her and Martin, and now her and Faith. Why did she keep hurting the people she loved? They were definitely better off without her and she knew it. _

_Grace arrived in California with no plans and no place to go. She quickly found her luggage and headed out of the train station in the attempt to find somewhere to spend the night. She had no luck. In the end, Grace found herself sitting alone on a park bench in a deserted inner-city park. She shivered slightly. She had never really been outside her small town in Iowa and San Francisco was quite large by comparison. She would have to tough it out for tonight and in the morning she would be able to better get her bearings. She curled up under her jacket and tried to get some sleep but the park bench was awfully uncomfortable and the bright lights of the city were starting to bother her. Just as she found herself falling asleep finally, she heard the sound of a police siren echo right next to her. She opened her eyes to see a cruiser beside her and a rather unhappy officer inside. _

"_Excuse me, Ma'am. We don't allow people to sleep in our public parks. Please move along." The officer said harshly as Grace jumped to her feet. _

"_I'm sorry, I didn't know. I'm not from here." Grace tried to explain hurriedly, tears springing to her eyes. The officer's expression softened slightly and Grace was able to better catch a look at the nametag: Inspector Teresa Lisbon. _

_The officer took pity on Grace. "Can I give you a ride anywhere?"_

"_Oh, no thank you. I don't really have anywhere to go. I just had to leave where I came from…" Lisbon's eyebrows shot up but she didn't push the matter any further. _

"_Well, you can't stay here, so why don't I bring you down to the station and you can spend the night on our couch. It's not the comfiest place but it is far better than this park bench. Tomorrow you will be able to find your way better anyways." Grace found herself being shepherded into the car like a lost child being led by her mother. _

"_Thank you very much," Grace said slowly. "It's really very kind of you."_

"_It's nothing." Lisbon said curtly. Grace got the impression that this inspector would make an incredible mother but she seemed far too involved with her career to even consider the possibility. She smiled internally, guessing correctly that the other woman would not be too pleased if she knew what Grace was thinking. _

"_So where do you come from?" Lisbon asked gently, turning to look at the young red-haired girl in the passenger seat. Grace swallowed before muttering her answer._

"_I'm from a small town in Iowa…" she trailed off at the end but Lisbon cut in anyways. _

"_And what brings you all the way to San Francisco?" she asked. Grace shook her head quietly._

"_I'd rather not talk about it." She said. As much as she appreciated what Lisbon was doing for her, she was not ready to spill her soul to a person she had just met, even if she was a police officer. Lisbon nodded understandingly and revised her approach. _

"_What are your plans? Are you here with your parents?" Again Grace shook her head in silent contemplation before answering._

"_I don't really have any plans… I kind of left in a hurry and got on the first train leaving Iowa." Grace blushed, fully not intending to share that piece of information with anyone. "My parents are still at home. They don't even know I'm gone, probably." It was Lisbon's turn to shake her head. She was not at all prepared to deal with a run-away. She decided that the best thing to do was to bring her down to the station and have her superiors deal with it for her. Surely Samuel Bosco had seen these things before. _

_They pulled into the parking lot of a rather dilapidated old building and Grace looked around, trying to take in her surroundings. "This is the SFPD headquarters?" She asked innocently. Lisbon shot her a glance as she continued. "I thought it might be a little bit more like what you see in the cop shows…" _

_Lisbon chuckled quietly before responding. "What did you expect? The CBI? This is just the local police force, we don't have enough funding for any of that fancy stuff." Grace was confused. What on earth was the CBI? If Lisbon could sense her confusion, she chose to ignore it and climbed out of the car, expecting Grace to follow suit. Grace just sat there._

"_Are you coming or what?" Lisbon asked as Grace hastened to undo her seatbelt and follow the woman inside and up a few flight of stairs. "Here we are," Lisbon said as she pointed to the couch. "You can sleep there tonight; let me go find you a blanket." She hurried off as Grace sat down and tried to make herself comfortable. It was definitely better than the park bench, even if the room itself was a little creepy. She heard the sound of footsteps as Lisbon came back in, carrying a blanket. Grace looked up at her, eyes full of gratitude. _

"_Thank you so much, for everything." She said. Lisbon replied with a wave of her hand before turning on her heel and heading off for her desk to catch up on her paperwork. _

_The next morning, Grace woke up to find Inspector Lisbon and a man with salt and pepper hair looking at her and talking with hushed voices. She feigned sleep for a little while longer in order to allow them to go about their business while at the same time being able to listen to their conversation._

"_I don't think it's a good idea…" the man was saying._

"_Please?" Lisbon interjected. "She doesn't have anything else. This is for the best, I promise."_

_The older man shook his head. "I suppose I could pull a few strings. I know people at the academy who owe me favours." Lisbon smiled and hugged the man tightly._

"_Thank you! You won't regret this." She said happily. _

"_Don't make promises you can't keep," he replied. "Now, go wake her up and tell her what her options are." Lisbon turned and headed toward the couch. Van Pelt hastened to open her eyes and sit up before she got there. _

"_Good, you ARE awake." Lisbon said. "We have to talk. Since you currently have no plans and I don't think that you intend to return home anytime soon, I am going to make you an offer." Grace looked at the other woman apprehensively. She wasn't sure what was coming but she was willing to try anything at this point. Lisbon looked at her, as if trying to read her expression. "Have you ever though of going into law enforcement?" _

_Grace shook her head but looked thoughtful. That was definitely something she could do. She could help make sure that no one would ever have to endure what she did by locking people like Martin away and helping families cope with difficult times. Maybe this was some weird karma thing? She could try to make things right by correcting the wrongs in the world. Maybe then her family would accept her again. She decided to give it a try. _

"_I would love to." She replied. _

**And... Review? Please? I want to know what you liked/didn't like and where you think I can improve, please?**_  
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	17. Chapter 17

**And here we go again... Thank you to everyone who has reviewed so far! I really appreciate it more than you can even imagine! This is definitely my most reviewed story and it also seems to be the one that has taken the longest to write (and it still is not over, yet). Also, apologies in advance... I really have no concept of how far away Iowa and California are from each other... on the map it looks similar to the distance between British Columbia and Manitoba so I ran with that idea... pardon any logical discrepancies here, please. Hope you enjoy this chapter!  
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**Disclaimer: not mine  
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Grace felt guilty and regardless of the fact that she knew she was in the right, the feeling of guilt for hurting Rigsby's feelings was still making her stomach clench inside of her as she sat working at her desk in CBI. She sincerely hoped that turning down his marriage proposal had been the right thing to do because she certainly wasn't ready to commit, especially when she knew that he had not really even met the real her. He deserved that chance before he married her. It really was for the best…

Grace was shaken out of her reverie by none other than Madeleine Hightower who slammed a pile of files down on her desk. "Glad to have you back, Van Pelt" she said briskly, "I trust that you are feeling better."

"Yes ma'am." Van Pelt answered politely while casting a curious and apprehensive glance at the pile of papers that had just found their way onto her desk.

"Good," the older agent replied, "then you won't mind sorting through these and filing them away for posterity purposes."

Grace sighed under her breath before shaking her head and responding, "No ma'am." Hightower started to leave the bull-pen but turned around quickly on a second wind.

"Oh, and do try to sort out your unresolved issues with Agent Rigsby. If you two cannot do this, I will be forced to transfer one of you and I am sure that is not what you want."

"No ma'am." Said Van Pelt again, feeling a little bit like a broken record. She knew she had problems she had to sort through and she certainly didn't appreciate Hightower throwing them right in her face like that. She also didn't like how her job depended on her sorting through these issues.

Grace set to work on sorting the files like Hightower had asked but she couldn't keep her mind off of Rigsby and the child that they might have had together. She could almost see a little boy with flaming red hair running after his father begging for a snack. She smiled to herself at the thought but quickly caught herself and tried to change her thoughts over to a different subject with little success. By noon-time, she just couldn't stand it anymore so she pulled up her email and sent him one line. It read: _we have to talk._

Although she knew that the rest of the team was out investigating their latest case, Grace still checked her email constantly on the off-chance that Rigsby had replied from his Blackberry. He hadn't. She waited as patiently as she could until the end of the day when she might see him again so that she could snag him and coax him into talking but when five o'clock rolled around, the team still wasn't back yet and Grace was tired. She slipped on her jacket and grabbed her car keys before heading out to where her car was parked in the parking lot.

As she crossed the parking lot, Grace pulled out her phone and started to dial Rigsby's number, hoping that he would answer. She had worked up the courage to talk to him, finally, and tell him about her past and why she couldn't marry him right now but she knew that if she didn't get a hold of him soon her courage would disappear. She was so focussed on dialling his number that she didn't realize that someone was walking directly behind her until a hand reached out and grabbed her upper arm. Grace screamed and automatically went for the gun on her hip before turning around to see who it was.

"Hey. Hey. Take it easy," came the ever-familiar voice.

"My goodness! You scared me! I almost shot you!" She quipped back. "Why couldn't you just use your words like any other person would do?"

"I wasn't sure you'd want to talk to me…" he trailed off. Grace had never seen Wayne so nervous in her life, except for the night he proposed of course.

"I've actually been looking for you all day," she responded. "There's something that I've been meaning to tell you and now seems like the right time. You deserve to know the truth."

"The truth about what?" He inquired.

"About me," came her quiet response. "About why I am the way that I am, about why I can't marry you right now, about Martin and Faith and Tommy and my parents…"

Wayne knew better than to badger her with questions right now if he wanted to find out any information about what she was talking about later on. Instead he looked at her and asked, "Where do you want to go?"

She grabbed his hand and led him to her car where he quickly climbed into the passenger seat. Grace put her keys in the ignition before turning to face him. "Just trust me," is all that she said before backing out of the spot and driving away from the CBI.

They drove aimlessly for what seemed like hours, or so Rigsby thought, but Grace knew exactly where she was going even though she hadn't been back in years. They made a brief stop when the grumbling of Rigsby's stomach grew too loud for either of them to concentrate on the road but that was easily fixed with dinner at a roadside restaurant. For the most part, the drive occurred in silence but Grace liked it that way; it felt a little bit like old times to be sitting in a comfortable silence with Wayne at her side. After several hours of driving Rigsby started to grow restless, "where are we going?" he asked rather impatiently. Grace turned to look at him.

"I said, just trust me." That was the last time he asked that question. They drove most of the night and into the next day. They were lucky that they had their overnight bags stored in the back of her car from their last out of town case. After driving for what seemed like an eternity, they suddenly stopped outside a small, slightly overgrown cemetery. Rigsby cast Grace a confused and inquisitive look.

"You asked me to trust you and I do, but I have to ask again. Where are we and why are we here?"

Grace mustered up all the courage she had before responding. "You remember on that case with the baseball player and his wife who tried to kill herself?" Rigsby nodded. "You remember how I told you that I don't have a sister?" Rigsby nodded again. "I lied…" Grace pushed open the gate to the cemetery and wandered through the tall grass in search of one specific headstone. She let out a small gasp when she saw it.

Faith Van Pelt: died at the age of 19.

Rigsby stared, slightly disbelievingly, but quickly regained his composure as he noticed Grace fall to the ground shaking with sobs. "How did this happen?" he asked gently as he moved to wrap her in his arms.

Grace calmed down a little with the reassuring circles that Wayne was rubbing into her back. She gradually pushed herself off of him and sat up against the headstone. "I'll start at the very beginning… I'm not the person you think I am and there are many things that happened in the past that made me who I am today."

The afternoon passed in a haze of hugs and tears as Grace told him everything about what happened those many years ago. By the end of the day, Rigsby was shocked with everything he had just heard. He rose to his feet, looking lost before asking where they would be spending the night. Grace replied that she had booked them separate rooms in the local motel. As they climbed back into her car, silence settled in on them again but this time it was slightly less comfortable.

"Do you want to come in and watch T.V?" Grace offered as Rigsby climbed out of the car and headed towards his room.

"No thanks… I just… need some time." He said and with that he walked into his room and closed the door tightly behind him. Grace stood staring at the door for a while after he closed it. She had hoped that by coming here and sharing this part of herself with him he would be able to see why she wasn't ready for marriage. She didn't think that he'd react quite like this. She turned and started to head back to her car. At least his strange behaviour allowed her the time to go and do the other thing she came back to Iowa to do… she had to go and try and make things right with a couple of other people and that made her really nervous.

**TBC**

**Please review :)  
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	18. Chapter 18

**Sorry about the long break between updates! Life has just exploded into a sea of busy... you understand I am sure. A huge thanks to everyone who reviewed the last couple of chapters and reminded me that I needed to update! I really appreciate it! I'm not sure I like how this chapter ends, but I am trying to bring the past and the present together so I guess it works... it might take a couple of chapters to do though. Hope you enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: Not mine  
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_Grace made it through training with flying colours. She even found herself enjoying it more than she ever thought she would; she found that she would learn a little bit more about herself with each person she helped and that went a long way in repairing her broken self-esteem. She was quite pleased when, a month after graduation from the Academy, she was offered a position on the prestigious Serious Crimes Unit of the California Bureau of Investigation. She accepted the job immediately and set about preparing to start work. _

_On her first day, Grace found herself standing outside the scary and important building, imagining how her day might unfold. She wondered who her boss would be and what her co-workers would be like. She hoped that she would be accepted and respected by them. After a couple of moments staring up at the building, Grace finally worked up the courage to go inside. She drew in a deep breath and used her new key card to let herself into the heavily protected building. She proceeded up to the fifth floor where she was instructed to meet the director, Virgil Minelli, who would introduce her to the team she would be working with. That meeting went amicably and after about half an hour Grace was led down a long corridor and into a busy room- the bullpen. She looked around in wonder at the hustle and bustle of the place; people were moving everywhere and she could almost feel the energy in the room. That just made her all the more excited to get started. _

"_Oh, Teresa, hold on a second!" Minelli shouted as he chased after a woman who was walking full speed in the opposite direction, a file in her hand. She turned around at the sound of his voice and gave him a pointed stare to indicate that she was busy but she stopped anyway. "Teresa, this is Grace Van Pelt. She will be the new agent on your team. I hope you get along well and I trust that you will be able to show her the ropes, so to speak." Teresa looked Van Pelt up and down a couple of times with a puzzled expression before nodding curtly to her superior. At her signal, Minelli turned and left the two women standing in the hallway. _

"_Good morning ma'am," Van Pelt said eagerly. Teresa frowned slightly before cutting her off. _

"_Call me Lisbon. Not ma'am. Just Lisbon." She said sharply. Grace nodded, realizing that this woman most likely did not remember her. She decided that this might be for the best because then she might be accepted as one of the team a little bit better if no one knew about her past. She was getting very good at burying it deep down within her and she planned to keep it that way as long as possible. _

"_Alright then," Van Pelt tried again. "Good morning, Lisbon." Lisbon smiled at this and held open a door for Grace to walk through. She let Lisbon take the lead once again, trotting behind in her wake in a desperate attempt to keep up. _

"_This is the bull pen." Lisbon started, pointing at the very busy room that Grace had noticed earlier. There were several desks lined up in an orderly fashion and a very comfortable-looking brown leather couch sitting vacant in the far end of the room, under the windows. "This here will be your desk." Lisbon motioned to the desk closest to her while Van Pelt examined it eagerly. "I hope you are good with computers… the rest of the team is hopeless with them." Van Pelt nodded slightly, opening her mouth to reply but found herself being cut off by Lisbon once again. _

"_There are two and a half other people on the team aside from you and me," Lisbon continued. Grace was confused, half? How could that be? "That man there is Agent Cho," she motioned to a desk on the far side of the room. The man called Cho looked up with a deadpan expression at the mention of his name before resuming whatever task he had been completing before. Lisbon continued, " and the man in the kitchen is Agent Rigsby. Make sure you always label your food before putting it in the fridge." Grace was moderately confused about this last point too and why it was seemingly so important but she decided to overlook it in favour of listening to what Lisbon was saying. "Lastly, we have a consultant named Patrick Jane but he is currently on suspension because of what he did during the Tolliver case so you won't have to worry about meeting him for a good couple of weeks." She finished with a slight smile before turning on her heel and walking off in the direction of what Grace assumed to be her office. _

_Grace took it upon herself to sit down at her desk and get everything ready for her first day. As soon as she had finished arranging her pens just the way she liked them and plugging her computer in to charge, Lisbon reappeared in the bullpen holding a brown file folder. _

"_We have a case…" She started and Grace felt the excitement and nervousness build in the pit of her stomach. Her first case. She noticed Rigsby wander into the bullpen at the mention of the word 'case' and Grace couldn't help but smile at the mini-yoghurt cup he was drinking. She shook her head slightly and turned her attention back to Lisbon. There was no need for her to let her mind wander on her first day! … "and it appears to be Red John, all the way in Palm Springs. Our flight leaves in three hours. Be ready to leave as soon as possible."_

_Grace turned to Rigsby who happened to be standing closest to her. "Who is Red John?" She asked._

"_He's a scary serial killer," Rigsby said by way of explanation before looking at Cho. "Are you going to call Jane? He should probably know, seeing as…"_

_Grace was now thoroughly confused but she gathered up her things and went home to pack for her unexpected trip to Palm Springs. She didn't know how much luggage to bring, she supposed she might as well check her suitcase, just to be safe. And with that, she was officially initiated into the CBI._

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_**Please review! Especially if you want to see another chapter anytime soon!**_  
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	19. Chapter 19

**Author's note: Ugh... Sorry for the huge hiatus from writing. I have had no motivation at all... You should thank Rigspelt Shipper who was the one to remind me that people are waiting to find out how this story ends :)**

**Thank you to everyone who has reviewed so far. I really appreciate it.**

**Disclaimer: not mine. **

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**Grace drummed her fingers on the steering wheel of her car out of sheer nervousness. She could do this, she told herself constantly. She really could but it definitely would take all the courage that she possessed. Slowly, she lifted her head and peered up at the house she was parked in front of. That house held so many memories, both good and bad. Grace drew in a deep breath and let it out again. This was something she had to do, the time had come. She unclipped her seatbelt and opened the car door before climbing out and looking up at the house. She couldn't remember exactly how long it had been since she was here last but it had been quite a while. Grace was surprised by how little had changed. The broken tricycle that her sister had used as a child was still lying on the front lawn, under a tree.

Grace shivered as the cold, fresh air enveloped her. She breathed it in and let each breath give her strength as she made her way up the walkway towards the front door. Once there, she wrapped her coat around her more tightly before reaching out to ring the doorbell.

Ding. Dong.

Grace waited for what felt like hours. Were they even home? In a way, she hoped that they weren't so that she wouldn't have to go through with this but at the same time this feud had gone on too long. After what felt like an eternity, Grace heard the sound of footsteps in the front hall and the murmur of voices on the other side of the door.

"Are we expecting anyone?" Grace heard her mother ask. She could tell that her father had grunted a response but she couldn't quite hear what it was. Finally the door was thrust open and Grace came face to face with her parents.

"Hi Mom, hi Dad," she started. "I'm sorry for stopping by like this, I guess I should have called."

Grace's mom stepped out onto the front porch and wrapped her daughter in a tight hug while her father stared in disbelief.

"We knew you would come back one day. We just knew it," her mother cried into Grace's shoulder. Her father seemed to overcome his shock first and quickly ushered them into the house before the neighbours could assume their busy-body positions.

Minutes later, Grace found herself sitting around her old kitchen table with a steaming cup of tea. Her parents were both sitting across from her, staring at her curiously. Grace took a moment to observe their appearances. They had both aged considerably while she had been away but she could tell that they were the same people. Neither of them seemed to be holding any grudge with her either. They had both just happily allowed her to enter their home. Grace took a deep breath and started to talk.

"I'm really sorry," She started but was cut off by her mother.

"You have nothing to be sorry for!" Grace looked surprised.

"But it is all my fault." She explained. "Everything that happened back then was because of me. I just couldn't look at you guys, I was so ashamed, so I left."

"Were you really blaming yourself for all of that?" Her mother asked gently, reaching across the table and grabbing her daughter's hand. "There is no way that you could have been responsible for everything that happened. No way."

"I thought you guys would hate me. I thought that you would with that I was the one who had died and not Faith," Grace explained, tearfully. She hadn't expected the conversation to end up being this fast and blunt.

"We could never hate you," her father jumped in. "We missed you. We searched everywhere for you after you took off but after a couple of years, we resigned ourselves to the fact that you would come back to us when you were ready. I'm so sorry that it took so long."

"What brings you back?" Her mother questioned.

"I messed everything up," Grace started but broke down into sobs before she could continue. Her mother quickly moved around the table and wrapped her in another hug, rubbing circles into Grace's back.

"I don't think you know but I was just really sick… I got into an accident and lost my baby… and my boss made my boyfriend and I break up… and I don't know what to do… and I just want my mom and dad back…" Grace sobbed, practically blubbering. Her mom hugged her tighter and her dad even came around the table and patted her back.

"Grace, sweet heart, you need to start at the very beginning. We can't help you if you don't tell us exactly what happened." Her father said soothingly.

It took several hours and many cups of tea but eventually Grace had told her parents the whole story. They were incredibly supportive and had offered her many tidbits of advice. By the time they had finished talking Grace was incredibly tired and did not feel like driving back to the hotel for the night. Rigsby could get along without her. Her parents had invited her to stay in her old room and Grace agreed without argument. As she climbed into her bed for the first time in so many years, she felt a sense of calm surround her and she knew that she had done the right thing in coming home.

Grace closed her eyes and prepared to sleep but was disturbed briefly by the creaking of the door and the flood of light coming in from the hallway.

Her mother tiptoed into the room to check if her daughter was still awake. Grace opened her eyes slightly and smiled up at her mother.

"Goodnight, Gracie." Her mother said, "I really missed you."

Grace swallowed before answering. "I missed you so much!" She hugged her mother before sinking back against the pillows. Her mother smiled and turned to head back out of the room.

"Hey Mom," Grace called after her. "I love you."

Grace's mother turned around as she responded, "I love you too, Hun. Don't ever think that anything you could ever do would change that." With that she left the room, closing the door behind her and letting the darkness overwhelm Grace again.

Grace sighed contentedly and let her eyelids drift shut, falling into one of the best sleeps she had had in a very long time.

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